Donna: We’re still getting a handle on [our relationship], really. At first it was like siblings-with-benefits but it quickly became something deeper.
Kevin: We’re both in our thirties and successful professionals living on the west coast of the US. Neither one of us has been married before. We were raised by our parents in upper middle-class suburbia. Neither of us have children. I make my living writing.
I’m polyamorous; I can’t call myself a swinger. Some polyamorous people only have sex one-on-one even when they have multiple relationships. I sometimes have sex with two or more people.
We’re full blood siblings, raised together. We were often pals while growing up, but we grew a little distant with university studies and getting our careers going, but then we got back to being pals as adults.
I knew other siblings who were involved. I’ve spent a lot of time with a brother and sister who are deeply in love and have a beautiful relationship, and know of others. This is what probably made me open to the idea… seeing the love, the passion, the beauty of it all. Donna is a beautiful woman. But she was always in a monogamous relationship. She never seemed to be without a boyfriend since she’d hit puberty. And then, she was available. But I had to figure out if she would be interested.
Donna: Like I said, I was serially monogamous. I was always focused on my boyfriends, as far as my personal attentions. I had no reason to even think of him in that way, other than what some of my friends have said about him over the years, and I could see how much some of his girlfriends liked him. But, I found myself unattached for what was really the first time in my life. I sat back and thought about what it was I really wanted in a man and in a relationship. I realized that my brother was the kind of man I wanted, but of course I didn’t think I should be with him, I thought I should find someone like him. I didn’t think it would be possible to be with him. And yet I was with him. I was spending more time with him than anyone else, and the only thing that wasn’t there was the sex. I was used to a steady, ongoing sex life, and here I was going without, and he was the man who was there.
My brother is a very sensual, sexual person. I knew he had an active sex life and is polyamorous, and rather than thinking “Ew, he’s my brother,” I was more curious about all of that, almost living vicariously through him, wondering what it was like to be polyamorous. I was asking him more questions about his love life. More and more, thoughts about him started popping up here and there.
Kevin: […] Once Donna and I got together, I didn’t want her to be uninformed of my relationship with [those other siblings] and, in turn, the relationship they’re in. […] We’re not seeing anyone else, though, just them. Neither of us is going to be with someone new unless we have discussed it and agreed. I’m very happy with the way things are right now, though.
Donna: The only people who know are the others we’ve been involved with. And some people Kevin talks with in [online] discussions and chats.
Kevin: Having seen a brother and sister together and just how powerful that is, I also started seeing my little sister, single for what seemed like the first time in her life, in a new light. How could I not, seeing a special brother-sister relationship in-person and up-close, and talking with other siblings enjoying their special relationships? One night, we were having dinner together and my sister told me she was taking a break from dating. I couldn’t help but think “What if…?”
It was on my mind a lot. At the end of another night I spent having dinner and talking at her place, the night ended with a hug (not unusual) and a kiss on the lips (THAT was unusual). I thought I might be reading into it what I wanted to read into it. A family event was planned and my sister invited me to plan on crashing at her place at the end of that late night. I thought about it and had a gift for her that I want her to open in private at her place. She’d been feeling unattractive, which was just a result of some bullcrap with her last boyfriend. She’s a very attractive woman.
So my sister and I went back to her place. It was getting late but I had her open her present. It was some bath oils and such, candles, and this thin, silky kimono thing. She’s always liked taking a long bath when she’s had time to do so. I insisted she try out the gift even though it was late; she hadn’t been sleeping well those nights, I offered that the bath might help. I drew a warm bath for her, lit some candles, put in some mood music for her to help her relax. I left her in the bathroom with the kimono and closed the door. I returned in a bit with some wine. Bubbles gave her some privacy in the bath, so I couldn’t see anything as I handed her a glass.
When she came out of the bathroom, she was wearing the kimono. She looked stunning and told her so. I had her sit down on the couch and I put some baby oil on her feet and started massaging them. She was relaxing and had her head back with her eyes closed and was moaning in appreciation, so I started working up her legs slowly. I was becoming a nervous wreck as I kept moving higher. My fingers were finally brushing against the top of her legs when she tensed up, crossed her legs, and said we should stop.
I asked why… had I done something wrong? She said we just had to stop, because if I got any further she wouldn’t be able to stop me.
I said what’s wrong with that? She said we shouldn’t. I’m her brother.
I felt like getting out of there. I asked her if I should leave and she said no, I had probably had too much to drink and I should stay there as planned. So I went into damage control mode and told her that I love her and I wanted to treat her right and do whatever I could to make her feel good, and that I was sorry if I made her feel uncomfortable. She said she wasn’t feeling uncomfortable. She was having a good time. She just didn’t want to do the wrong thing.
I asked her if she could give me one good reason why I shouldn’t have been allowed to complete the massage. She said she’d think about it, but insisted we turn in for the night. She gave me a pillow and blankets for the couch. I thought I would never fall asleep, but I did.
Sometime in the middle of the night she woke me up and said she couldn’t sleep. I was worried that she was going to send me home. Instead, she said she was thankful for the present and if I still wanted to, she wanted me to go ahead and continue with the massage. […]
We talked about it a little in the morning, but we had to go meet up with our family. She kept giving me signals throughout the day that she was happy, so that’s good. Over the next several days, we were busy with things that have kept us apart. We stayed in frequent contact, though. We were both happy with things.
The next time we were able to get together, I took her out to dinner then we went back to her place, where we made out like a couple of teenagers. I went down on her again, and this time she went down on me. I wanted to be in her so much, but I thought that was going to be too much, too soon. She asked me to stay over again, which I had hoped she would. I told her I needed to shower off after being so sweaty with her, and she joined me in the shower! That was very nice. I like it when a woman takes initiative sometimes. […]
We spent the next day together and I had her pack to spend the night at my place because we were going to a party near where I live. Since there were people at the party who knew both if us we had to be careful. We were having trouble, though, so we left early. I took her back to my place. We were making out like teenagers again and she told me she wanted me inside her. She said it was the perfect way to end the night. We’re both clean and she has an IUD, so I was able to be inside her with nothing between us. It was incredible.
It was great to wake up in each others’ arms again. We’ve been together regularly since then. Life has never been better.
Donna: I was torn about what to do. I wanted it, but I had to think about it, and that’s why I stopped him when I did. I couldn’t think of any reason to deny him, or deny myself, and so I didn’t. I don’t regret it. The only thing I regret is that we didn’t get together sooner. It has been wonderful to unite with him, wake up with him, and have new experiences with him.
Kevin: I understand that some people are disgusted by the idea. But that should not have any power over our relationship. Those who disapprove need to ask themselves exactly why they disapprove. I love Donna more than I’ve loved any other person. What is the problem?
Donna: Do they want to take away my right to vote, too? My driving privileges? I am a successful, educated, independent woman with good mental health. I have chosen this, and it should be my choice. I’m not being harmed, and neither is anyone else.
Kevin: I’m wondering how long we can go before the rest of the family figures out what is going on, so I want to have a plan in place for a worst-case scenario. Perhaps they will let it be an unspoken, open secret? Other than approval and support, that would be the best, I think.
Donna: As already mentioned, we’re considering merging residences. If our family asks why we’ll focus on the finances and convenience. I do a lot of traveling, and I can say it doesn’t make sense to be paying for an empty place.